Archive for July, 2008

Dramatics?

My daughter is a wee bit dramatic.  And by wee bit, I mean a whole heck of a lot. 

So today when she declared that she didn’t feel well, I wasn’t sure if it was just her way of saying she didn’t want to do anything or if she was really sick.  Absent a fever or any actual throw-up, I can never tell with her.  I decided just to play along, and told her she needed to go home right away and get into bed.  I figured that if she was being over-dramatic, she would declare herself well in a short period of time and get out of bed, and if she was truly sick, well, then some bed rest would do her some good. 

I was leaning towards her just being dramatic again and not actually being sick.

Well… she promptly went to bed and fell asleep.  And then when she called me up to her room I thought for sure she would ask to get up, but instead she asked for a drink.  And when I offered her water, she didn’t try to change the order to juice.  So then I thought that maybe she really wasn’t feeling well.  And being the pushover mom that I am, I got her some water and brought her a DVD player so she could watch movies in bed.

Either she really is feeling sick, or she’s having the best lazy day ever.  I may never know which.

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Numbers, schmumbers.

I’ve been sitting here trying to work out a “workable budget” that we can somehow use to get ourselves on the right track, financially, and I simply cannot look at another dollar sign without my head exploding.  This whole budget thing is so daunting.  And those people who tell you it is easy are lying through their teeth.  It is hard to look at the numbers and not immediately want to A) earn more money and B) never buy anything again because have you seen how much money you spend at the grocery store lately?  Also, how much money does the health insurance company need?  Because by my estimates, it shouldn’t cost that much for them to tell me, “No.”  And cable, oh my goodness… the cable bill is obscene.

Money has always been an issue for us.  There have been times that we’ve had money to blow — and blow it we usually did — and other times when we’ve wondered how on earth we’d manage to make it to the end of the month with a minus sign in front of our checking account balance.  Once upon a time we had no health insurance, no jobs, and two children.  We made it through that time, thank goodness, and now we earn more money and no longer have minus signs on our checking account.  But we also now have to pay for the health inurance and the two children keep growing and eating, and it seems like we still have the same amount of extra money at the end of the month — which is zero.  And do you know how frustrating that is?

So I decided that I would make a budget to help us manage our money in a better way.  But every time I think I have gotten every category and cent accounted for, I find another reciept or bill that I had forgotten about, and then I have to go back and re-work the numbers.  And I’m tired of looking at the numbers.  Besides, those numbers, they never work out the way I want them to.  And my budget just doesn’t seem very workable to me. 

Screw it, I’m going to get a drink and watch Spongebob.  Whose with me?

Peace among the noise.

Today I had four kids come over to my house. 

I put a bowl of grapes out on the table, hoping they would somehow manage to get something semi-healthy into their bodies and also stay away from the Doritos.  They quickly demolished the grapes, and still ate all of the Doritos.  And an entire frozen pizza.  Also, they fed the dog some pizza.  Which, yeah… she doesn’t have diarrhea nearly enough.  Please, feed her more.

Yet there is something so nice about having other children to occupy my children.  It means I can go about my business in relative peace.  Well, it’s peaceful as long as I ignore all the yelling, door slamming, musical instrument playing, and video game noise.  And I’m managing to ignore it all quite nicely, thank you.

All in all, I think it’s not a bad way to spend a Saturday.

Where? How? When?

Every summer we go through our house and find the things that we no longer use and/or need, and donate them to Goodwill.  We rely heavily on this donation for tax purposes.  Sometimes it makes the difference between us paying the IRS or them paying us.

This year, my sorting started off with a bang.  I began with the kids rooms.  And since they were there to help me, we started in the morning and finished with a trip to Goodwill in the afternoon.  It went quickly and smoothly.

Now that I intend to sort through the rest of the house — the hall closet, my bedroom, the kitchen, the miscellaneous toys in the backyard — my enthusiasm is waning.  I can’t seem to motivate myself, nor do I even know where to start.  Do I start with the hall closet?  But what if I intend to put some of the things from there into my bedroom closet?  Then should I start in my bedroom closet so that I already have a space cleared out for the things from the hall closet?  Or should I just go through the kitchen first?  But the kitchen isn’t necessarily in need of a big organizing, and what if that takes so long that I run out of time and cannot do the closets?  What should I DO?

I know that this is indicative of my mood right now.  My indecisiveness here at home has everything to do with my indecisiveness about my job.  Will I enjoy work?  Should I clean now?  Heck, I even have trouble thinking about what I’d like to do during the day.  Or what I want to eat for breakfast.  Sheesh.

Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off and hit autopilot.  My mind just churns, often going through every possible scenario it can come up with.  And if there is information about a certain scenario missing, my mind will sound an alarm — incomplete data! incomplete data! — and go into overload.  Unfortunately, this happens often.  Especially because I never have all the information.

So what I guess I’m saying is, I am driving myself insane. 

And my house is a mess.

‘Round here.

Yesterday we went to Chuck E. Cheese, and today I am suffering from a little gastronomical upset.  I wonder if the two are related?

We spent an exhausting day with friends — well, the kids and I did; B worked — beginning at Chuck E. Cheese, and then moving onto the mall, and finally spending a while at the Honda dealership while my friend waited for her van to be finished.  It was fun, but today I feel a little like I was up all night partying.  It seems that I am a delicate flower who cannot spend too much time away from home without falling apart.

Which brings me to…

OMG I start work in a little over two weeks.  A little over two weeks!  And y’all, I know I sound like a broken, whining record, but I don’t think I’m going to handle it well.  I am so very worried about the whole thing.  Don’t get me wrong, I think the preschool I will be working at will be awesome.  However, I do not think working until 5:45 every day will be awesome.  In fact, I think it’ll just plain suck.  Also, I’m worried about how my kids will adjust to it all.  Especially my son, who handles being away from home about as well as I do, which is to say: not at all.  Why can’t there be some way to earn money from home without busting your butt?  When is my big box of money going to just drop from the sky?

(With my luck, the big box will drop from the sky while I’m in the bathroom trying to rid my body of whatever toxins I managed to pick up yesterday at Chuck E. Cheese, and someone else will find the money.)

I know that I’ve been very lax about writing here and keeping everyone updated on how things are going.  And for that I’m sorry.  But all that’s been in my head are my fears about the new job, and I just feel like maybe I shouldn’t come here and write about that every day.  So, you know, my apologies.

Program? What program?

Yesterday I decided to go ahead and upload some pictures from my camera immediately after taking them.  This is unusual because I usually wait a month or two to upload any pictures.  I wait because I like to be surprised by what I see.  Or maybe because I’m lazy.  Whichever.  But anyway… I decided to upload the pictures, so I went to my computer, and took my little mouse pointer over to the menu to open my camera software, and saw that there was nothing there.

Nothing.  There.

All of my programs, from my camera software to Works, were gone.  GONE.  They were completely wiped clean, and there was no saving them.

B and I spent an afternoon trying to figure out what happened and recover what we could.  Unfortunately, there was nothing to recover.  So I spent the rest of the evening reloading Windows onto my computer.  And then I reloaded drivers.  And then I spent an hour trying to get my anti-virus software onto the computer without having to pay for it again.  And then… well, let’s just say it took a while.

Now I’m back up and running, but afraid that the next time I try to open a program I’ll see that same horrible blank space because I have no idea what happened.

I told myself that I would start going through all the clutter downstairs today.  I told myself I would get the dishwasher loaded, start a loaf of bread baking, go grocery shopping, and then begin sorting through all the junk/toys that have accumulated downstairs since our previous trip to Goodwill last summer.  I told myself I would do all of that, and earlier this morning, I truly believed I would.  However, the only thing I’ve done on that list is go to the grocery store.  After all, the jalapeno poppers cannot bring themselves home from the grocery store.  Priorities, people!

The rest of the list is silently mocking me from my perch here in the kitchen.  Instead of just starting something and letting the momentum take me from there, I am on my computer, browsing through stores and checking Craigslist to see if there is something I might need (or wish I needed.)  I am practicing the fine art of procrastination.  Or maybe I should say avoidance.

I think what has me really locked up is the fact that I have realized there are only a few more weeks until I start work.  I always begin summer with grand ideas of what to do with the seemingly endless weeks of free time I’ll have.  And then when reality hits and I waste several days/weeks doing pretty much nothing, I panic.  I get depressed about it all.  I do nothing.

That whole course of action doesn’t seem to be working out well for me.

But you know what does work well?  Writing it all out for you — and the entire Internet — to read.  Boy, nothing motivates me to stop whining and get moving like actually reading the words in the screen.  So maybe I’ll start with the dishes and see where that takes me.  But don’t be surprised if I end up right back here, browsing and clicking.  It’s my comfort zone.