Archive for June, 2008

Back. For now.

I took a vacation from my blog.

What started out as a small break from writing while my dad was here turned into a full blown vacation from everything for two weeks.  And I enjoyed the break.  Then, when my dad left and I told myself it was time to establish some sort of routine for the summer, I just sort of fell apart.  No, not in any serious way, but more in a how do I get back into a groove? sort of way.

Right now I’m still trying to adjust to summer, and it feels as if the whole thing is already slipping through my fingers.  I am too hard on myself — always have been — and part of myself is expecting me to bounce right on into a productive routine; to develop a plan for summer and beyond.  Another part of myself wants so desperately to just be laid back about it all and enjoy the lack of appointments and obligations.  I wish the laid back part of me could take control, but it seems to be fighting a losing battle because I am driving myself crazy with all these expectations I seem to have.

I even thought that I might abandon the blog.

But here I am.  Again.

See you next week.

It’s been visitor central around here — my dad is visiting for, um… a while and we also had my sister-in-law over yesterday.  Also, the kids are out of school.  So I guess that’s my way of saying I’ve been busy.  And I haven’t been on the computer much.  (Well, much except for the hours I’ve spent playing Pirates of the Caribbean — those many hours I will never get back but that somehow do not seem wasted because I’m having FUN.)

So I’m taking a vacation from the computer.  I’ll be gone for the rest of the week.  It’s not a long vacation because I am nothing without my computer, but it’s a vacation nonetheless.

Too Busy.

Can’t talk.

Too busy.

Playing Pirates of the Carribean online.

If you see Kat Goldwalker, that’s me.

Now… back to sinking ships.

Drowning.

I’m paranoid about the kids drowning.  I mean, so paranoid that I used to strap my son into a lifejacket when he was little — even when just sitting around a pool.  So imagine my feelings when I read this story online today.

Secondary drowning.  Yet another thing for me to worry about.

Looks like I’ll have to see Dr. Google again.

Yesterday I was taken over by what I seemed to think was certain death.  It all started with a few stomach cramps that had me curled up in the bed.  Then I felt queasy.  And I threw up, bowled over in pain, and threw up some more.

I don’t know if it was something I ate or if it was some kind of virus.  I was inclined to think that it was something I ate, based on all the painful cramping, but I didn’t eat anything different that anyone else and none of them were suffering.  And while I guess it could have been a virus, it was unlike any I’d ever had.

Today I am feeling nominally better.  I am holding down food and drink — always a big plus — but I am still having stomach pains that make me stop in my tracks.  They aren’t as bad as yesterdays, which I can only describe as grueling, but they are still there.  And they are not fun.

The good news is, today is my last day of work.  The bad news is, I feel like crap and I’m still working.  But the father of the boys I babysit is having back surgery today, so I figured I could suffer through the day because at least I’m not having back surgery, right?

(anyone know what kind of illness would have your stomach cramping like this?  it’s not just a lower intestine cramping, if you know what I mean, but also cramping in my actual stomach.  my whole middle feels like someone is wringing it out.  no real fever to speak of.  anyone?)

Sick.

Sick, sick, sick.  That’s what I am: sick.

This morning I drove the kids to school, went back to bed, and have just now — at 2:20 — made it back downstairs.  And that’s only because I have to go pick the kids up again.

My stomach is hurting so badly; my head hurts; my whole body aches.  I’m just praying I don’t have to throw up again.

Sick.

Almost summer.

Back when you and I were in school — or maybe just me; how old are you? — we started school the Monday after Labor Day and ended school the Friday before Memorial Day.  And maybe some places are still like that.  But here, where my children go to school, they start school in late August and end school in mid-June.  Specifically, June 10.

But the weather has already warmed up enough to call it summer, and the pool opened the weekend of Memorial Day.  We’ve spent some late nights outside, the adults talking while the kids played, and spent lazy afternoons swimming in the cool water.  We’ve been operating as if it’s already summer vacation.  So it makes it seem very wrong that today, Monday, I had to get up and send the kids back to school.

I don’t know how much learning they are doing, all sleepy eyed and daydreaming of the taste of summer fun they’ve had.  I can’t imagine being able to get these children to buckle down and work.  I guess it may de rigueur for them, because this is the way it’s always been in their short school careers, but it certainly seems very strange to me.