Careening.

Lately I’ve been careening down an emotional highway, passing through Yay! No More Work And Summer With The Kids!, and Oh No! No More Work And How Will We Eat?, only to head right into And What Kind Of Job Will I Get?  territory.  Needless to say, it’s been pretty draining, emotionally.

The problem seems to lie with my veritable ability to do anything I want.  (Well, anything within the limits of my qualifications.  I will not be a Doctor or Lawyer.  And Engineer seems to be out of the question, too.)  Do I want to continue keeping children in my home?  And if I do, how will I find those children?  Do I want to be a Nanny for a family?  And if I do, how will I find a family?  Do I want to work at a school?  And if I do, how will I go about applying for the job?  Do I want to find something totally different?  Like maybe working in the deli department of a grocery store?  And if I do… well, you get the gist.  The possibilities are endless, and it scares me.

Right now I am driven to inaction mostly by my fear of what will be wrong with a job.  I have a very active imagination, and I find myself imagining what it would be like to do a job, and what will go wrong with it, even before I actually have a job of any kind.  I make a whole lot of assumptions about what any given job entails before I know any of the details.  Therefore, I accept and summarily dismiss a position solely based on what is in my mind, and before I so much as apply for a job.  And my mind, it is not necessarily accurate, so I think I am limiting myself needlessly.

And you know what, there really is no point in me telling you all this.  If I was skilled, I would sum all of the previous information up into a nice closing paragraph about how I am still searching for a job and am going to stop excluding possible jobs based solely on my — very possibly — erroneous assumptions.  But we all know I’m not going to do that.  I am going to drive myself crazy by over-thinking this whole thing.  Maybe I am writing this just because I want to share my angst with you. 

Or maybe I just want you to offer me a job.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Tia on 05/13/2008 at 11:37 pm

    Maybe you could get paid for your writing. I think some sites pay for you to write all about yourself so people like me can have something to read. Who knows, maybe Oprah could discover you and you’d be RICH!!

    Reply

  2. Posted by e on 05/14/2008 at 6:52 am

    From your mouth to Oprah’s ears!

    Reply

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