Skin and bones and beauty

I read this post and knew I had to write a little something.

When my husband, B, and I met, I was fairly thin. I had always been fairly thin. I was 5’2″ and my weight always hovered around 100 and 120 pounds. Not stick thin, but thin all the same. When we began dating I was probably at one of my thinnest points, even though I thought I was not thin enough.

That was always the case for me; I thought I was not thin enough. I have short, stumpy legs that naturally have a lot of muscle in them. I have a butt. And I have broad shoulders. All of those things were far from the tall, willowy build I wished I had. But I tried to make the best of it. However, I was always dieting and exercising. I used to say it was to make myself healthier, but mainly it was to make myself skinny.

When I was pregnant, I piled on a lot of weight. I went from a 110 pound size 2 to a 185 pound size BIG. I no longer even recognized my face. I would hold up my old clothes and they would look like a child’s clothes to me. I was much bigger. And after I had the baby, I didn’t lose all of the weight, much to my dismay.

Not long after my son was born I became pregnant with my daughter. While I didn’t gain that much more weight, I did remain large after she was born. It seemed to be my new size, no matter what I did.

When the children were both toddlers I embarked on a diet and exercise program that took off some weight and helped me feel a little better. That was 5 years ago, and I’m still at the weight I was then. I haven’t lost any more. I’m now a bigger version of what I was before.

I tell you all of that to tell you this: my husband likes me better this way. He says he used to feel like a giant around me. He used to be afraid to roll over at night for fear he would crush me. He used to think I was too skinny.

So while there are those husbands out there who do wish their wives would take off any extra weight they put on, I am lucky enough to have a husband who wishes I would never lose a pound. You see, I was skinny once, and he loved me anyway, not because of it. While I struggle with self confidence issues and wish – especially during swimsuit season – that I could fit back into that size 2, he is always there to tell me how much he loves my body now. And no matter how many times I roll my eyes and tell him that I don’t love it, it’s always good to hear him say so.

How lucky am I?

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